Current mood:	indescribable
Current music:	Please tell me why

Its no surprise to me I am my own worst enemy
Whelp this may sound kinda odd but I keep almost any note I'm given. Not sure why but I just went through them. I wanted to go to bed at 1AM but it looks like that didn't turn out well. My fingers smell like delicious fruit and its unsettling. Still have the one of Jessica admitting that she likes me. Not sure why but it made me kinda sad. To think that it was over 5 years ago. Making an LJ post because I haven't made one for daaayys. Mandie you wrote me so many notes over the years. And they were greatly appreciated. For that I was able to remember that something was lost that can never be recovered in 05' when I was 17. I'm thankful for what we had but its over now. We'll eventually be able to talk as friends again.

Have no idea what I want right now. Sitting here listening to three songs over and over, Please tell me why, Hero, and How far we've come. I really want my trip to get here so I can have sometime away to think and relax. Need to get back to that point of being single is okay. I was so content then. That smell.. I was rehearsing the bebop quotes to myself half of the day at work because it was so slow.

"There once was a tiger striped cat, this cat died a million deaths, revived, and lived a million lives and he was owned by various people who he really didnt care for. The cat wasnt affraid to die. Then one day the cat became a stray cat, which meant he was free. He met a white female cat, and the two of them spent their days together happily. Well years passed and the white cat grew weak, and died of old age. The tiger striped cat cried a million times, and then he died too.. Except this time.. he didnt come back to life.."

For those of you who haven't seen that episode. To think that so many years have gone by since I've met you all. So crazy. Might of said it back then of "I wonder what we'll all be doing in 5 years." And here we are. Still wondering where we'll be in the next five years. I just want to become famous and be well known. To make sure people know I exist. Make a statement in the world ya know?

Quite a while ago suicide popped back into my head but was quickly washed away with thoughts of reality. It was just a REALLY bad day. Nothing was going my way and I took the day off from school. So weak minded to say or even think about that. Pitiful really. Each individual human fought so hard to live, even before we knew it. And that we were the ones chosen to be born. That means something. We were all put on this planet for a reason. Even if it was just to mate and keep your blood line going. Its more then that though, enjoying yourself and experiencing what the Earth has to give. I need to get out more. xD Think I'll work out when I wake up tomorrow. Try to beat Okami some and such.

It sucks being impatient. But learning to be patient is a really nice thing. I can still see the bug bite on my arm.. man this post is going in every direction. Don't rush things or they'll end up crappy in the end. I'd know this from previous experience. You have to get to know people first before making rash decisions. It's helpful when people aren't attracted to you at first. Because then you can get to know them. I think thats what helped so much back in the day. I was able to get to know people, I wasn't as suave as I am now. Not to be really arrogant. It's true though. I believe you have to become friend's with someone first before going any further. Sol and I weren't that great of friends and that we didn't have much in common. Same with Danielle. Next time I won't mess up. I can't. I almost felt that I was using them to find out what I want, and I had no intentions of doing so. I wasn't happy with just a relationship, I took that too seriously and didn't want in. Only sex doesn't work either because thats the only thing holding it together. There needs to be a small mix of both to make it just right.

Kinda feel bad too, Jesse hasn't been in a relationship for so long and he still seems to be holding it together quite well. Yet its only been a short amount of time for me and it almost seems like I'm losing it. Something to admire though, to be single and strong. I need to get to that point. I'm sure I'll feel amazing once I get there. Man.. I needed that rant. Going to move onto some RL stuff.

Metal Gear Solid 4 finally came out, game was amazing. Had little treats for MGS fans and stuff. Can't rant about that now.. too.. not motivated to do so.

The world was put here for us to experience it. Now go out there and enjoy life. Just because many people enjoy the world with someone else doesn't I have to as well. I need to go enjoy myself and stop sitting here at 3 in the morning ranting about it. Parents are about to get up. I need to start getting a decent sleeping schedule and waking up at a normal time. Okay, done. I need some fucking sleep. And if you're reading this right after I post it, you probably do too. Get some sleep! Over and out.